He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Randomize
