cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
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