One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
