I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
