my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm bleeding and have questions
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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