i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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