The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
