Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Someone came in the potted fern
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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