He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
