i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
