just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I licked your asshole in confidence.
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