so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
