He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
