...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
