we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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