I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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