Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Randomize
