you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
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