i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
