he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
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