Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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