Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
