remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
