Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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