i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
