First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
