just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
