walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
