Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I can't put those talents on a resume
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Randomize
