Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Randomize
