ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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