too bad you live with your parents still
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
