remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
sex in a hospital.. check
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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