I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
