so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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