Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
