my mouth tastes like poor choices
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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