Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
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