is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
