HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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