apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
