hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Randomize
