I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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