hotel room ftw
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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