Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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