quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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