I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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