I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
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