thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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