He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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