Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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