Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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