A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
How external is "for external use only"?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
